Dear Feastlings,
In my line of work, the self-appointed authorities are usually the people who bring up their own qualifications: “I’m a foodie.” “We’ve eaten all over the world.” “I considered becoming a chef myself- I’m an excellent cook.”
Sometimes they bring it up at the table, though it’s often noted during a Yelp or TripAdvisor review. When that’s the case, it’s usually someone who either told their server- or told me- that everything was great before going online to enumerate the ways in which they were betrayed or left unimpressed. I’m over it more than I used to be- I don’t feel compelled to defend what honor I have remaining every time someone posts that the ingredients of a dish on our menu don’t belong together, though I do correct the occasional exaggeration-turned-lie-of-omission: No, you didn’t go to the ER, because I called, and your friend told me that the person with the allergy was better after a Benadryl, and there were two other tables full of guests that remarked on your behavior to me and your server.
A one-star review isn’t the end of the world. In fact, if someone calls from Yelp to sell you advertising, the first thing they’ll tell you is that it’s precisely those one-star reviews that legitimize your five-star reviews by showing the audience that real people with real grudges write these reviews, and therefore the fact that you have a hundred five-star reviews for each one-star review makes you more legitimate in the eyes of the reader.
I’ve met and replied to, or not replied to, more self-appointed authorities in my forty-five hears of hash-slinging than any one person should, and while it’s wearying, it’s not nearly as wearying as what’s going on among the other authorities. I’m happy to dismiss someone who’s been deputized as an authority on food by their sister or the credit card statement peppered with restaurant charges. As to authorities to whom rules don’t apply, deputized by people to whom rules don’t apply, I find it harder and harder to ignore.
I have no more interest in poking the authoritarian bear than I have in poking the Yelp bear. I didn’t get into this business to be reviewed, and I didn’t get into to it to have to lock my door and let guests in and out one at a time as they’ve begun to do in Minneapolis. I’m just a guy who’s made dinner for people, directly or indirectly, a few hundred thousand times or so, and one who’s alternately resentful and bored of having to take a stand every day, be it about whether it’s permissible to serve a mustard-based barbecue sauce or about whether it’s permissible to throw someone in the back of a van without identifying oneself or proposing a reason why.
I’m still trying to lift my own spirits by doing something helpful for my community rather than hurtful, and with that in mind, we’re still taking donations toward this Friday’s donation run: we’re aiming to bring a few hundred meals to GAP ministries with your help. For every three meals donated, we’ll donate a fourth, and we’re excited to give our staff some hours in the lull that follows the holidays by giving some food to people who are cinching their ever-tightening proverbial belts yet again.
I’m trying to lift your spirits with our weekly wine tasting,
https://www.eatatfeast.com/events/2026/01/8165/
and some families’ spirits with a benefit wine tasting (with food pairings) for Nourish.
https://www.eatatfeast.com/events/2026/01/playing-hard-to-get-for-nourish/
You can call us at (520) 326-9363 for any of the above reasons: to donate a meal or two, to sign up for the regular Saturday tasting, or to sign up for the Nourish benefit tasting. You know, if the spirit moves you.
Love,
Doug